I am Dana Littlejohn, multi-published author of sensual erotic romance. For this blog I am going to focus on introducing the female lead and spanking into an already established relationship.
The first question you may ask is: What kind of man would let his woman run him like that? He must be a punk, pussy or just plain crazy, but you would be wrong on all accounts. Just because you want your woman to be in control doesn’t make you weak. Instead of those terms, how about, best person for the job. Surely if there are women who like to be controlled by their man consequently there has to be men who enjoyed that as well. You know, balance in the universe and all that.
The real question is, how do you even start the conversation? I mean really, your man didn’t just wake up one morning and say, you know what, I’m over it. Can’t you just take care of it all? No. He has always wanted it, he just didn’t know how to ask for it and he still doesn’t. Most women find out by accident during role playing usually. The husband or boyfriend will say something like ‘I wish we could do this more…or when can we do this again? I love when we play these games’. If he is consistently asking to be in subservient positions he may be trying to tell you something.
A female led relationship may be different from the usual male dominated ones that we call normal, but it is still a relationship. Conversations must be had to establish boundary lines, roles, titles and what this relationship means to you. Lots of couples merely introduce the female lead into their relationships as part of their playtime and correction is just part of the fun. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course, but that too must be mutual. If he just likes playing the games than simply rotate them into your love making a few times out the week, but if he really wants you to take over completely that includes everything. The finances, the day to day activities and him.
Once these things are in place rewards and punishments can be handled accordingly. Penalties must be real in order to deter him from breaking the rules that you have put into place for him. That may sound a bit harsh, but correction helps us all to grow and is necessary in the beginning. If not, you will find that he will look for ways to break rules just to test you. This will only cause frustration and friction in your relationship. Spanking is not the only corrective action used, but it is a popular reprimand in bdsm situations.
That is precisely why the long in-depth conversations must take place at the on start. He has to be completely forthwith with his desires so that you know what is required of you. It cuts back on any misunderstandings the two of you may have later when one of you says something and it means one thing to you and another to him.
Introducing new elements into your relationship such as spanking isn’t rocket science, but it does take a good degree of patience, open mindedness, trust and complete honesty. Remember, making each other happy is the goal in any successful relationship. Ask him what is needed to make that happen and then ask yourself. Ultimate pleasure is the reward.
Thanks for having me Erotica for All! I enjoyed my time with you. If you’re interested in reading the books I have with different elements of BDSM check out:
The Seven Year Switch http://museituppublishing.com/erotica
Home with The Jones- http://store.secretcravingspublishing.com
Spanking Cupid- http://store.secretcravingspublishing.com
Reindeer Games- www.phaze.com
Could you make the switch from dutiful, submissive wife to paddle wielding queen bee to save your marriage?
Sonja Winters was enjoying the good life with a great job and being married to the man of her dreams. As she prepared to celebrate their seven year anniversary she came across a secret that her husband had been keeping from her that would alter the course of their marriage forever.
Dana Littlejohn was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York, but has called Indianapolis, In. her home for over ten years. She has always wanted to write since early childhood, but put that wish on hold to raise her growing family and have a career. With the encouragement of her husband, Dana picked up her pen again in 2003 and has no intention on putting it down. With 3 novels, 8 novellas, 4 stories in anthologies, 42 short stories published to date and a long list of wips (works in progress) she is literally living her dream. Join her on the wild journey through her imagination. It’s a ride you’ll never forget!
COMMENT TO WIN!
Dana will be giving away a promotional pen to one randomly drawn tour commenter and a promotional T-shirt to another during the tour.
Make sure to follow the tour and comment; the more you comment, the better your chances of winning. The tour dates can be found here: http://goddessfishpromotions.blogspot.com/2011/12/virtual-book-tour-seven-year-switch-by.html