50 Shades of What-the-Fuck? By Tiffany Reisz
It’s Tiffany Reisz, your friendly neighborhood smut-peddler, here today on Lucy’s Erotica For All to talk about the new hotness—BDSM. What the fuck is BDSM, you might ask? Well, it’s a type of sexual practice than has been in existence since the beginning of time. And why the fuck is it the NEW hotness, you ask? It’s all thanks to a book called 50 Shades of Grey, a work of Twilight/Robert Pattinson fan fiction that became a real book with a real publisher and a really big damn deal. I first heard of this book months ago when a friend of me told me she was reading a truly horrible work of watered down D/s fiction that was just Twilight with the paranormal elements replaced with kink. But, she said, as laughably bad as it was, she couldn’t stop reading. Apparently she wasn’t the only one. 50 Shades is all over the place now—The Today Show, USA Today, even my own boyfriend is writing a 50 Shades of Grey parody called 51 Shades (because it’s one better).
I haven’t read the book yet although I’ve read excerpts and reviews. There can be no denying that 50 Shades of Grey is a good thing for erotica and especially BDSM writers like me. My agent said editors who turned down my kinky stuff two years ago are now calling with requests for anything and everything BDSM. As they say, a rising tide kinks all dicks. I mean, sinks all ships. I mean lifts all dicks.
It might be the new hotness but for a lot of people BDSM is still a foreign country. Let me give you a little primer on what this world is like.
BDSM stands for Bondage – Domination – Sado-masochism.
Bondage – Tie me up, Sir! Tie me down!
Domination – Tell me to get on my knees, kiss your feet, and call you Master!
Sado/Sadism – You just sit there while I go get my flogger, Pet. Somebody’s back isn’t quite red enough for my liking…
Masochism – Beat me, Mistress, and be sure to leave marks!
BDSM is just the beginning of the Alphabet of Kink. There’s also…
D/s – Dominance/submission or Dominant/submissive. In a D/s relationship, one partner takes the Dominant role and the other submits to the Dominants commands. These relationships can be confined to sex and the bedroom or can carry over into the rest of the relationship. The Dominant can be male or female and so can the sub. Traditionally the D is always capitalized with the s is lowercase to indicate the higher status of the Dominant.
TPE – Total Power Exchange. In a TPE relationship the D/s is 24/7. It’s not a temporary, bedroom only arrangement. It’s all the time.
SSC – Safe, Sane, and Consensual. This is one philosophy of BDSM that emphasizes safety first. Safe words are required. All scenes are negotiated prior to play.
RACK – Risk-Aware-Consensual-Kink. Another philosophy of BDSM play. RACK often removes the some of the safeguards around BDSM and admits that “safe” isn’t entirely an option with some BDSM. RACK types are more likely to engage in edgier practices—hard beatings, knife play, blood play, fire play, rape role play, and so on.
And I could go on and on. The world of Kink is a rabbit hole and falling into it is a trip to a weird and wild Wonderland. But nowhere in the world of BDSM will you find violence and abuse. When a man has intercourse with a woman, it’s sex if she’s into it and rape if she isn’t. When a man hits a woman, it’s kink if she’s into it and abuse if she isn’t. If there’s no consent, it’s not kink. It’s assault.
How do I know all this kink jazz? I don’t just write kink. I do it.
Shocked? You shouldn’t be especially if you know me at all. I might be five-foot-zero and wear my hair in pigtails on a daily basis and sleep with a sock monkey named Gerald at night, but that doesn’t change the fact that I love a good flogging and adore it when a man puts me in my place. And that place is at his feet doing anything and everything I can to please him sexually. For those of us who do kink and have for years (I’m 33 as of this posting. I got handcuffed for the first time at age 21 and scened with my first Dominant sadist at age 26), the 50 Shades phenomenon is frustrating because the books paint the main character as messed up and damaged. The title comes from the character’s name (Christian Grey) and his line, “I’m fifty shades of fucked up, Baby.” I’m a Switch who loves getting beaten until I’m bruised. I adore a good caning and have had two sessions with a real New York Dominatrix (the exquisite Mistress Jeanette—I have her number if you’re ever in town). I sent my favorite sadist a Christmas card. I’m in a D/s relationship now, and if you must know, I’m the one who got him turned onto D/s, not the other way around.
Why? Am I 50 shades of fucked up? Nope. I’m not even 1 shade of fucked up. I’m 50 shades of playful, 50 shades of fun, 50 shades of loving a sexy guy treating me like his personal property in bed. BDSM, when done right, is healing and loving and joyful. It’s nothing to be cured and none of us need to be saved from our deep, dark selves. And if we’re fucked up, the kink is not the cause of it. Sometimes it’s even the cure.
I do kink because I like it. And I’m 50 shades of awesome, Baby.
Tiffany Reisz is the author of THE ORIGINAL SINNERS series coming this year from MIRA Books (THE SIREN, August 2012). Her characters are unrepentant kinksters who find healing in pain and freedom in bondage. They might be a few shades of fucked up, but only in the best possible ways. Follow Tiffany on Twitter @tiffanyreisz or email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.