Thank you for joining us on the Power Play: Resistance virtual release tour! *throws penis-shaped confetti borrowed from Anne Tenino* No party is complete without favors, so we’ll be giving away winner’s choice of a backlist book from Cat or Rachel to one lucky commenter from this blog at the end of the tour. We’ll also be giving away a classic Nook pre-loaded with six of our titles to one lucky commenter drawn from all the tour stops, so follow along and party with us at each–you can earn an entry at every stop!
Baby I Was Born this Way: Part II
At Joyfully Jay’s yesterday, we talked about the inborn nature of dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. I promised to share my own “coming out” story—or rather, my moment of realization that I was a sexual sadist. We’d also love to hear your coming out stories—if you’d be willing to honor us with sharing in a comment the moment when you realized you were a sadist or masochist or both, Dominant or submissive or both, please do!
My own moment of self-discovery went unexamined for many, many years. I was six, you see, and knew nothing about sexuality of any sort, let alone what it meant to be kinky. It was summer, and we had a big above-ground pool in the backyard. My sis (eight years old at the time) and I were (and still are) best friends, and water-babies besides, and we’d go out every sunny day and play in that pool from after breakfast until right before dinner. We played a lot of make-believe, of course, and one of our favorite games was Mermaids.
Building mermaid society in our backyard took many different forms, but one of the things that happened above Atlantis, on occasion, was that a ship full of humans would veer off course and smash on a rock or get stuck in a whirlpool or some other disastrous thing. My sister (who has since grown up to be a pediatric nurse practitioner) was always the mermaid who would guide the ship to safety before it sank. But when it was my turn to pick what happened, I was always the mermaid who’d rescue the handsome but painfully injured prince from a watery grave. On generous days, I’d nurse him back to health. He’d fall in love with me, natch, but I never quite knew what was supposed to happen after that. The important part was that I got to watch him suffer :-p
And if that isn’t inborn sadism—my happy-go-lucky six-year-old self with two amazing parents and a loving big sis and a perfectly delightful middle-class upbringing—I don’t know what is. Mind you, I’d never hurt a fly in real life, and it almost physically hurts me to see someone suffer when they don’t like it. But when they do like it? Or in my fantasies? Oh my.
As I grew older, I began to meet others who shared my bent. It was a huge relief to realize I wasn’t alone, that there was nothing wrong with me (an understanding that came much later, alas), that I wasn’t a bad person for thinking these things. I didn’t really begin to associate my sadism with sex until I was in college—which was also about the time I began to realize I was very, very Dominant too—but oh boy did that open up a whole new world for me. And now here I am at 34, unable to imagine things any other way. And I’ve never forgotten what it felt like to be a child too young to understand what any of this meant, too afraid to talk to her parents about it, yet so secretly excited by the idea of all that kink.
So how about you? When did you discover your kinky tendencies? How did you feel about them? Do you believe you were born that way, or do you think it’s something we learn somewhere along the way? Share your thoughts, and Cat and I will pick two winners from among the comments to win a backlist book from either of us.
*****
Give me six months, and I’ll give you the world.
Brandon McKinney has scraped and sacrificed for what little in life he’s ever had. Though it’s been fifteen years since he escaped his father’s abuse, the damage remains. Trust seems as far out of reach as his dream of becoming an architect, and though he’s come to accept being gay, he can’t deny the shame and confusion he feels at other urges—the deeply-repressed desire to submit.
Jonathan Watkins is a self-made Silicon Valley billionaire whose ex-wife took half his money and even more of his faith. Comfortable as a Dominant but wary of being hurt again, he resorts to anonymous pickups and occasional six-month contracts with subs seeking only a master, not a lover.
When a sizzling back-alley encounter cues Jonathan in to Brandon’s deep-seated submissive side, he makes the man an offer: Give me six months of your life, and I’ll open your eyes to a whole new world. Brandon doesn’t care about that; all he wants is the three million dollars Jonathan’s offering so he can buy the construction company he works for. But he soon learns that six months on his knees is no easy feat, and shame and pride may keep him from all he ever wanted—and all he never dreamed he had any right to have.
You can read an excerpt and order Power Play: Resistance here.
*****
About the authors:
Rachel Haimowitz is an M/M erotic romance author, a freelance writer and editor, and the Managing Editor of Riptide Publishing. She’s also a sadist with a pesky conscience, shamelessly silly, and quite proudly pervish. Fortunately, all those things make writing a lot more fun for her . . . if not so much for her characters.
When she’s not writing about hot guys getting it on (or just plain getting it; her characters rarely escape a story unscathed), she loves to read, hike, camp, sing, perform in community theater, and glue captions to cats. She also has a particular fondness for her very needy dog, her even needier cat, and shouting at kids to get off her lawn.
You can find Rachel at her website, Tweeting as RachelHaimowitz, chatting in the Goodreads forums, and blogging at Fantasy Unbound. She loves to hear from folks, so feel free to drop her a line anytime at metarachel (at) gmail (dot) com.
EPIC Award–winning author Cat Grant lives by the sea in beautiful Monterey, California, with one persnickety feline and entirely too many books and DVDs. When she’s not writing, she sings along (badly!) to whatever’s on her iPod shuffle, watches lots of movies, and fantasizes about kinky sex with Michael Fassbender.
Where to find Cat:
Website: http://www.catgrant.com
Blog: http://catgrant.blogspot.com/
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/cat.grant
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/CatGrant2009
Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1912055.Cat_Grant
My own sexual awareness has come with time (maturity?). I have been married for almost 14 years to the man of my dreams. He is a very vanilla man with no desire to step outside of that lovely box. So I live vicariously through the characters I read. I found that the written word um, excited me, lol probably in early high school. I distinctly remember that my “sex” talk was my mother placing the book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex: But Were Afraid to Ask by David R. Reuben M.D. (why yes that is the same as the Woody Allan movie!). It was a very technical book. Q&A. Straight forward. But I read that thing from cover to cover!!
Great topic!
I’ll have to think on this one… I know I’m submissive, but I don’t know exactly when I discovered or realized this.
I do know that reading my romance novel helped me realize that what I felt was okay, though 🙂
I’ve been thinking about this off and on for a few hours now. And I don’t think there was ever a moment when I ‘knew’ I was kinky – I’ve always just done what seemed like a good idea at the time with sex. As long as everyone involved has consented and it’s reasonably safe (there have been a few times when people have had a few drinks so not 100% safe) then so be it.
I know I’m a switch, but thankfully both partners are ok with that (I’m bi & poly – which means both partners know about each other. Infact they’re also partners with each other). My approach is very much to do what is fun and enjoyable for all parties involved 🙂
Great topic. I don’t think I started to think about my sexual awareness till my mid to late 20’s. I met a guy who brought out things in me I had not given thought to, although it didn’t last long it made me want more out of my sex. I still have not found the man who to spend my life with or my sexuality but I am hoping someday I will and boy won’t it be fun
Great post Rachel! I don’t live the lifestyle, but I love to read books about bdsm. I’ve read a lot of them, the kinkier the better. Don’t know what that says about me, but I find the subject fascinating. I think I read my first story with bdsm about 5 years ago. I’m sure people that know me would be shocked to find this out. 😀
For me when I got married over seven years ago, I was very vanilla. In turn, I’ve learned that I’m a switch and prefer kink or vanilla most of the time. Reading erotica has helped me learn about what I like and don’t like in bed. Hubs is grateful that I read but sometimes he just shakes his head.
I’ve always liked to read and write sexy little stories, especially spanking ones, but it’s only when I started writing professionally that I realized I wanted to try BDSM. My husband and I had been together for about fifteen years by then, and I was so afraid to tell him I was (mostly) submissive, I wanted to be spanked, and I liked being tied up, but one day I bought a sexy little plaid mini-skirt and e-mailed him at work saying, “We should play naughty schoolgirl when you get home.” To my relief, he said okay, so we tried it and we both loved it and now we do it almost all the time. (I think he was a secret closet Dom the whole time and I outed him, haha.)
To quote one of my favourite films: “I came late to sex.” at least the enjoying part…
Now I know, I have submissive tendencies, especially sexually. Out of the bedroom… not so much.
When I realised? Difficult question, I think it’s a gradual thing. I started watching clips online, always bondage, always men only and slowly veered towards cbt/edging/electro. Even tried experimenting with hubby, but he’s not really into it, and doing that to him… not as satisfactory as imagining myself in his place.
And then came November last year where a lot of things became clearer to me, where I started to understand myself more about the why and what.
So… I’d say November last year was my awareness moment.
Well, the first one, anyway, since I’m still learning more about me.
Even though hubby’s not that into it, he’s more than willing to experiment. Is he a Dom? Not so much, but playing is good 😀
I don’t think I’m out yet.
I’ve been on the periphery of the local scene for years; when you hang with punks and goth kids, you just sort of wind up there. I’ve never not known I am submissive, even a little on the masochistic side, but I’ve never really done anything about it outside of very light physical punishment.
Lately, though, I can’t help dwelling on the idea of it, of being someone’s slave, their treasured possession, their pet. I’m actually craving the sensation of a flogger. Or a crop. Or someone’s hand. I want to be the one giving this sort of pleasure and I want the comfort and care after. I read your book and wanted to cry. I was almost sick with want, dizzy and head-achy all night after I finished.
I’m terrified, as I really don’t know if I really want it or just the fantasy of it. I don’t want to start something I can’t finish, so to speak.
I’ve been married for 16 years to a wonderful, amazing man, but he does not share these urges. He tries to help, tries his hardest, but there’s something else I need now and I don’t think he can give it to me. I haven’t confessed to him how badly I want it yet but I know I have to. I won’t leave him for it, at least, I hope it won’t come to that.
I’m 42…seriously, how much longer do I have to wait?
*hug*
I wish you strength and wisdom for both you and your husband
*hugs and strength to Rosemary to have that conversation soon* Now or never, hon. Life’s too short.
I’ve known I wanted to be tied up since I was in college. I don’t remember having any epiphany moment, I just know how much it excites me. I also know I have far too dominant a personality in daily life to want to submit on a 24/7 basis, so it would just be during scenes for me. I might be a switch, but I’d rather be the one tied up.
Fortunately for me, my husband and I have talked about anything and everything. We haven’t done anything about it yet, but it’ll get there. I want to try it. Unfortunately for me, he’s not Dominant in the slightest. He’s more sub than I am.
So nice to read about similar experiences.
Makes me feel far less like an odd duck 🙂
I don’t play in the lifestyle at all, in fact up to a year or so ago I didn’t even know I wanted to read about it, but now I seem to be drawn to books about BDSM more often than not. I think it’s the power dynamics that attracts me, I find it fascinating. Thanks so much for an obsorbing post.
>3 Heh~ What a fun post! I really enjoyed it!
Well, I’m actually not at all into the scene. >3> I’m a single girl. I have no experience whatsoever…. so yeah.. LOL…
But i think.. once I do meet that someone… I’d like to explore all types of kinks and.. things. :3 heh… anyways, great post. 🙂
Judi
arella3173_loveless(at)yahoo(dot)com
Never done it but that doesn’t mean I’m not interested. But until I find the perfect person, I’ll read as much as I can 😀
Nice post. I’m not into that, but to each his own.
Thanks for stopping by, everyone! We hope you enjoyed the tour and the story.
And without further ado, the winner is… Shelly W!
Shelly, if you could leave a comment with your email, we’ll contact you about claiming your prize.
And a big thank you to Lucy for hosting us! *hugs*